Sick.

Being sick is no fun. Especially when the one that is feeling so miserable is your 4 month old.

We woke up yesterday to a fever of 101.4. Not really all that high for a little tike, I know, but enough to warrant a call to the doc from me to rule out something serious.

Of course (as I had suspected) it is a virus. Ears were clear, chest was clear but his throat is apparently red and spotted with white dots :-( This actually surprised me because I hadn't noticed that he had been having a hard time swallowing. The doc and I agreed that with the amount of head congestion that he has had, it is likely being cause by some nasty post-nasal drip. Poor guy.

He had been an angel all day yesterday. Soothed just be being in mommies arms and (of course) I basked in holding him all day long.

Then 4:30 pm came.

He had a breakdown. Followed by another breakdown. Followed by another breakdown. etc., etc., etc.

Usually when Ben cries, I can comfort him. There haven't been many times that I haven't been able to soothe him and calm him down. However, last night was one of those times. It didn't matter what anyone did. He felt like shit and he was tired of it.

Not being able to soothe him, to take the pain away, made me think about the future. The inevitable fact that he will have to endure pain. Physical pain, emotional pain, heartache. I wish I could shield him from all of this. I want to be able to take it all away. To face it for him. I know it is a fact of life and something that every human has to endure. I am not going to be one of those helicopter parents. That's not what I want for him. I guess the best thing that we can do is teach him how to cope. To the best of our ability, we will teach him to cope.

The look on his little face with his droopy eyes, red cheeks and pouty bottom lip said it all and broke my heart. I thought about snapping a photo to capture that little face and then realized that I don't want to see him like that any more than I have to.

Doc said to treat him symptomatically. Meaning just give him some tylenol, keep running the humidifier, and sucking the snot out of his nose. Luckily this morning he woke up without a fever and appeared to be feeling a little better, but I felt he needed another day at home. Luckily, J was able to stay home with him today.

Hopefully 4:30 pm today will be better.